NorthernChristian.org

right this very minute, i would like…

to find time to paint my nails
to climb a small mountainish sort of hill this weekend
to have a companion who reads 1 John to me at top of said mountainish hill
to not work in my blue office anymore
to continue working in my blue office if it’s that or another job
to find things to work towards and be excited about
to make my dream of touching foreign soil again come true this summer
to find children to hold and smile at on this foreign soil
to maintain the simple lifestyle of crushing on musicians and not real individuals
to eat cake and more cake and more cake
to care for my soul and not listen to so much jack johnson and sarah mclachlan
to rid my fingers of all greasy grime stuck to them after changing my brake pads
to drink more water. and continue doing so
to plant tomatoes, lettuce, squash, beans, and even corn
to pray for people when i tell them i will
to never be grumpy, say a harsh word, or grow frustrated
to abound in the fruits of the Spirit
to go to bed.
and i shall.

if it’s possible to drown your sorrows in cheese danish then i do believe i’m in the middle of it as i type.  under covers in bed, laptop open, and cheese danish beside me slowly being devoured.

do i have sorrows to drown?  i don’t think so, but it’s ever so much fun to pretend.  i could imagine that i was a brilliant actress who was suddenly struck mute by sheer chance and found solace in this luscious dessert.  or maybe i owned a large company and my friend, mr. co-owner, cheated me and suddenly i found myself empty-handed.  i would of course, when given all the numerous possibilities of how one could find comfort after such misfortune, tend towards pastry.  or maybe i’m a heartbroken maiden — her father has refused her the love of her life and shut her away in a tower.  instead of letting any hair down, i’d make myself nice and rotund off this high in calorie feast.

yes, i need to play that i’m drowning sorrows away one bite at a time.  how else can i explain that suddenly half the pastry is missing?

yeah, you’re right to guess that this photo was staged.  i’m not really sleeping.  i had just woken from my lovely nap and am feigning sleep to get my point across.

but aren’t naps on sunday afternoons the best?

friday has the reputation as being the opportunity to go out, expend large amounts of energy, and slip into oblivion until noon the next day.  if that’s how you’re supposed to celebrate the end of a work week, i haven’t figured out how people manage it.  my own friday nights are starting to have the reputation to be my granny nights.

i find that i have to drag my feet home as i finish up another work week.  i tell myself to keep moving, tackle the few small jobs that need to be done around the house, and then slip into pajamas at 7:00 and do absolutely nothing productive until i fall asleep at 10:00.

i love them.  that’s how i celebrate five more days done in my blue room.

today was long.  in fact, i pretty much hated most everything about today.  it started out bad, continued bad, and although this evening is wrapping up to be nice, it doesn’t erase all the earlier badness.  the really bad thing in all this?  i was the reason for it.  every selfish bone in my body decided to act out today and i found myself weak trying to fight against it.

i walked out my front door at 8:45am already hanging my head in shame for the way i was acting.  i could blame it on the fact that as my alarm went off i touched my aching forehead and stiff neck and whispered, “Dear God, what happened to me?!”  i could blame it on the fact that i was left with the end of our pot of coffee which equaled not even half a mug of hot goodness.

but they’re not the reason for the frustrated words and poor attitudes that haunted me all day.  i am.

yeah, today was long.  i’ve never been so excited about starting afresh the next day.  i like the idea of a second chance, a fresh slate — whatever you want to call it.  and mostly i like that i get to prove that His mercies really are new every morning.

“Give me the love that leads the way,
the faith that nothing can dismay,
the hope no disappointments tire,
the passion that will burn like fire;
Let me not sink to be a clod:
Make me Thy fuel, Flame of God.”

more tiredness and sleepy eyes while i finally open my laptop to end my day.  i drove home anticipating a night of undisturbed slumber (please, dear Jesus, please) and a morning where i could sleep until my body told me it was ready to rise.  right now, there’s nothing that sounds more blissful (i apologize to all parents who are reading this, but i’m just taking advantage of my season of life).

but i arrived home and was reminded of an 8am meeting i have to attend.  why-oh-why?

my life hates me.

scratch that.  my life hates me. my tummy hates me.  i’m hungry.  a lot.  and it’s in turmoil just as much.  i feel as though my stomach, intestines, and whatever else is involved in the digestive system, is mimicking a WWII battle to the best of their abilities and my pangs of pain are saying their doing an awfully good job.  and there’s no rest.  it continues all the time.

so, not as much sleep, a hungry girl, and an upset tummy — watch out world, my flesh will be an awfully cross girl in the morning.  good thing my 8am is full of worship, prayer, and Bible time.  it just might help this poor attitude.

i’m a pretty tired and worn out girl tonight, but seeing as though it’s been five days since i last put something on this sad ignored place, i figured i had to do something about it.

so get this.  i learned something new today.  want to know what it is?

my poor brain is also sadly ignored (you try folding 200 bulletins and see how mush-like your brain feels) and so i find it critical to purposefully take in new facts and ideas on a regular basis.  you can join me in my intellectually stimulating lifestyle by going here.

and that is all you’re getting from me tonight.

goodnight noises everywhere.